Shopped 'Til I Dropped

Last weekend the SEARS ESSENTIALS closed in my neighborhood. Ever since I knew the store was closing I'd visit it regularly to see how the merchandise was selling, what percentage off was being given, and was there something I had to have. So I missed out on the wine rack that I'd been touching, feeling and measuring for about 6 weeks, I missed out on some toys for my grandkids, there was no jewelry that interested me, basically nothing but a few bras. After I purchased one bra at 50% off, I waited until the line would go down more. But alas, when the 75% sign went up, the brand that I liked had nothing to offer me but 2 sizes larger. So, had to have the bargain, and bought it at 2 sizes larger. Then last weekend, I went in early Friday morning, just to scout out the store for the last time. Not much left. Saturday, after work, I was so tired but had to go in again. Even less left. I decided that was enough. I'd touched everything, tried on what was slightly interesting, and just went home. No more, don't go back; you've seen it all. Except that Sunday night, the last hour of the store's existence, I just couldn't drive home after work without giving it one more shot. I'm now completely exhausted having worked and been on my feet the whole weekend. So with painful heel spur and all, I park my car and with 45 minutes left until closing, I decided to try on a few blue jeans in Omar the Tentmaker size. The clothes were 80% off with an additional 50% off of that. Can't beat that. So I figured I'll buy one size larger, just to get me through this overly fat, outrageous BMI number that I've earned. And for $3.50 I walked out of Sears Essentials with my new oversized jeans that I can throw out after I stop eating walnuts, yogurt, M&Ms, chocolate and all the other midnight snacks.